Its been over a Year... Lot of things have happened.

So Its been over a year since I have updated. Well I moved out in February of 2015 and Got my own place for me and my boys.. Jarod had moved in with me for a while as well.. Since then a lot has happened to me. For one I got a job at Walmart in October of 2014 and had that job till April 2015, Man was that a great job but I also worked with some of the worst people. I made friends there and also learned a lot about keeping up with bills while I worked there. Then I Lost it in April for being accused of stealing someones wallet that I found under a register and returned to the rightful owner.. She accused me of stealing it and stealing things out of it which I did not do. I had also seen Elijah's dad and told my boss that if he was to come to my register I was going to punch him in the face because he abandoned our son once again. I lost my job then...

Well that summer was hard because I was looking for a job as well as trying to keep up with a house and trying to keep my head above water. Jarod was still living with me when it happened and helped with very little. I was grateful with what he did do.. January of 2015 his dad gave me a car so I could get back and fourth to work so it was nice having a vehicle for a while. In September My cat Chloe died, we still have no clue how she died but she is gone and We miss her dearly to this day. I had gotten another job in September of last year working at the local tomato plant. It was a normal 8-5 job and it was the best place I have ever worked at. I had the most amazing and supportive bosses anyone could ask for.. All I can say to people that are still there is Don't cross them.. They are too great to be fucked with. I didn't loose my job because of the way I worked.. I had to miss days or leave because My son was having issues at school. Yes now we deal with a court system because the Local Alternative school pressed 4 misdemeanor charges against my 9 year old son. Little do they know I'm working on getting more and more information against this school for the court system. The Juvenile officer that we have is horrid.. I can't stand the woman, She refuses to let me pull him out of school and home school him next school year because I feel if I take him out of the situation then I can help him more with the things he needs help with.

So with all of that said, I lost my Car November of last year, Jarod left which was not a bad thing. He had a habit of putting me down and saying it was tough love.. No its Emotional and Verbal abuse, but he refused to see it as that. He doesn't believe in mental illnesses, yet when I told him I was Diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) Then he said he could see that.. What an Asshole, Then when I finally told him how I really felt it really got to him, He would come home from work and the first place he would go is to his damn computer. Really, That computer was his life, He lived on it more than he can say to anyone else. He says he prefers the real thing, He wouldn't know what the real thing was if it Hit him in the face.. He loves his video games more than he could love anyone else.. Not to mention a girl he never met on the Internet that could have been fake as hell, and she died of cancer which I'm not knocking that.. He just thinks he knows everything had me trying to cook like her and clean like his mom.. If he wanted his mommy he should have went back home.. He did eventually, It totally destroyed me but now I have figured out he was no good for me anyways.

In March I decided to move back in with mom and Bre, I was going to be homeless because I could barely pay my bills and it was better than being on the streets with my kids. So I came back home. It has been pretty good, I was working, getting things back on track and Bam, I lost my job.. Again Not my bosses fault, Corporate came in and was letting me go. Now I am back to square one, No job, No car, No money... I did have a job interview today and I think it went pretty well.. Also about 2 months ago maybe less I started talking to this guy, He has mental health disorders as well and I'm very glad to have met him. He is great and its nice to have someone to talk to that understands you more than other people do. He has become my best friend and my rock in times of need. He says he can't figure out what I see in him, But, He is absolutely amazing and I wouldn't have it any other way. What can I say he is my best friend.

I've been Single, as In not dating for 8 months now, I consider it that because Jarod left the first time in September, when he came back he wasn't the same... I'm doing good considering, and I have someone I can talk to daily that helps me through any BPD moments or depression moments. Things are good for now.. Who knows what the future holds but I plan on grabbing it by the balls and going for it. One day I will be able to handle myself again but for now, I need to focus on getting a new job and taking care of myself and my babies. They are my world, My heart and my soul.. Sami is now 9, Eli is now 7, Kaiden is now 12 and Chris is now 5.. My boys are growing up so fast and I can't figure out where the time is going. Maybe tomorrow will bring new light and hope into my life. For now Goodnight everyone, Hug your babies tight and We will see you soon.

A crazy week already hehe

Well this week has already started off to be a crazy week for us. Monday and Tuesday are my usual major cleaning days but... Yesterday I tried to spend time with my boyfriend and the kids all day because my boyfriend leaves today for a week. I will miss him but I also have a lot to catch up on with cleaning and stuff. Christopher and I have been at our usual morning routine only with one more thing added for him while I am cleaning up. He has been taking over my beloved Kindle so that he can play games and stay busy while I am cleaning. Today is his dads day to come pick him up but I'm not sure if he is coming or not so I'm not going to hold my breath yet. I promised my Love I would write him at least one letter a day while he is gone so I plan to do that every night before bed so I can include what happened that day for him.

Christopher's Potty Training has been going good with the exception of some accidents both number 1 and 2 accidents. I'm such a proud mom though.. Now Here is news of our weekend which by the way was amazing hehe.

On Saturday I called my son Kaidens dad and I got to skype for 4 1/2 hours with my baby boy. I'm so proud of how big he is getting. Every time his dad wanted him to get off of skype with me he didn't want to. His face was priceless when his dad told him he had to get off. I missed seeing him soo much considering I have had 8 years of barely no contact and now I can talk to him every weekend. I have included a picture from our skyping. I love all my sons so much and I also got to smile at the fact that all 4 of my sons got to meet on saturday as well through skype but still My baby got to  meet his 3 little brothers and they were all smiles. I am so proud of all 4 of my sons and how far they have came in life. I can't wait till I can hold my oldest in my arms again and give him a Giant hug. I miss him so much already but I know I will be able to talk to him again saturday.

News that was Exciting...

This weekend I got a paper in the mail saying that I needed to pickup a Certified letter in the mail from the post office.. I started freaking out really bad because it was from Washington State which is the state my oldest son Kaiden and his dad live in. So I called his dad to make sure everything is ok. Well I got a call back from his dad telling me that they are fine and that its Child Support up there doing that and he told me not to pick the letter up at all. They cannot go after me because I do not have rights to my son what so ever. So yeah I am not even sure how that state thinks they can come after me. Anyways while I was talking to him come to find out he has had a Major change of heart. I can now call my son every weekend as well as Skype with him and Play Minecraft online with him as well. I am thankful to all of this with him, He has really changed and now he is letting me have something to do with my baby boy. I am one happy mom as well as this was a wakeup call for me with my 3 sons here at home. My depression was based on not being able to talk to my son so my function level was only 1/2 of the time. Now I have been doing better and All I want to do is make things better so that I can get somewhere for my boys..

Yesterday was our normal day but I changed it up a little.. Me and Christopher went for our walk as well as when the boys got home they did their chores and we went outside for a while and played.. It did not end the way I thought for so long that it would the boys were Amazing and we had a lot of fun out there. So every day we get up at 5:30am and do all kinds of things throughout the day.. Yesterday Christopher and I cleaned up the house and today we have 3 loads of laundry to fold and at 1:30 we are going to the mailbox as well as afterwards when his brothers get home we are going to go back outside and play with the big blue ball that we have out there.

9/11 the Twin Towers

Where were you when the Twin Towers fell? Me? I was laying in bed sleeping when everything happened. I was living with one of my ex boyfriends at the time and he was at school or work that day. I woke up and turned on the tv to see my favorite T.V. Show which was Passions at the time. That day was hard for so many people loosing loved ones on the planes, in the towers, at the pentagon. This is a  day that will never be forgotten by anyone in the US. I was 17 when it happened and was waking up to get ready to go to work... I worked at Food Lion in Clyde, NC and it was a day that I feared because of watching what I did on tv. I had got to work and started to talk to my co workers about it..

To all the families out there that lost loved ones in this most horrible time. Remember they are watching you from Heaven and they are praying for you as you are praying for them. They may be gone but they are never forgotten!

The wheels are turning in my head...

So over the last few weeks I have been toying with new Ideas and things to blog about with a few Ideas in hand. Now a lot of you already have read what I have wrote but I feel like its not enough for some people and all I wanted to do was give people a perspective into the life of a single mother. Starting to wonder if I should have named the blog differently. Anyhow, I want to try a few new things so please bare with me while I try some new things and of course your input on what I do would be amazing to me. I am going to try to start at least 3 new blogs, One will be for Reviewing books I have read very recently. Two will be for Movies I have watched, Yes I know that one has been played out so much but I want to give my own perspective on quite a few I have seen so far. Now the third blog will simply be a Gamer Mom blog and that would describe the games I love to play as well as the new ones I have very recently discovered thanks to my amazing boyfriend very recently. I have a lot of Ideas and as new ones pop into my head I keep looking at them and writing each good one I have down in a notebook with all my plans in it.

So with everything being said I will be working on that for the next few weeks as well as updating here on how the boys are doing and how life as a Single mom works. A lot of single parents don't get the credit they deserve at all. So to all of the single Parents out there making it on their own with little to no help from the dads what so ever We can do this.. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. I have been doing this since my oldest was 2 and he is now 10 and Sami is almost 8 years old. Life will throw us curve balls but we have to fight back with all intentions to keep our lives straight for our sons and daughters. Please feel free to add me or whatever you might want to do. I am always open to answering any questions anyone might have about anything because without your support I am not sure where I would be in life. I see everyone being so strong and fighting back with all their might and you have made me see that maybe I can do it too. I can stand on my own two feet and make sure I can go somewhere in my life.

"GOD'S NOT DEAD" The Movie

So the kids went to church this morning all was going great. I decided I wanted to watch God's Not Dead and wow I have been moved by that movie. It sends a powerful messages to all people who have not watched it yet. I do know there are other Religions out there and I know that people worship different Gods. I will not sit here and push my religion on to you at all. But I do say this I am a Christian, No I don't go to church like most Christians do because of my anxiety but I plan on one day just getting up and moving my Anxiety aside and going to church with my sons. I have seen several Moving movies over the years and It makes me believe so much more that Yes there is a God.

The first movie that I have seen that moved me was "The Passion of the Christ" by Mel Gibson. That movie actually made me believe more that there was a God only because I wound up at a Catholic church that I was going to about 8 years ago and had a vision. The vision I had was being in Roman times when Jesus walked with the people. I saw him carry that cross down the path to where he was to be Crucified on it. I watched in horror what they did to him in my vision and I watched his death as it is told in the bible. I watched every second of his pain and felt all my sins be released so that I can be free and repent. From then on out I believed in our savior and I felt an overwhelming joy as I finally embraced him for the first time in my life. Yes I was not a person for church because as a child I went to a Pentecostal church with my aunt. After my Grandma died I felt the holy ghost go through me at church and I was speaking in Tongues with my family around me.

I am a full believer in miracles and the faith that I have.. Things are not always what people make them out to be and like I said I am not here to push my faith on you at all. I am just telling that I believe in God and everything he stands for. I have fully given myself to him and I will not Renounce my faith in front of anyone because of the fact that I know he exists in all of us but there are a lot of us that have lost who we are. I have found myself and with my love and faith with God I know all things are Possible for me and my sons. I will not force my faith on them either but I will encourage them to Love god before they love anyone else. I will help them on their journey in finding him but it has to be their choice to believe. Which I feel they have not lost sight of that because a few weeks ago Sami was just telling me that he wants to be baptized in the church that he goes to.

Things are slowly changing for us and for the better I believe because we will prevail over all the horrors that come with life. We will come out on top of all of this because we are strong and we believe that life will run its course and God will open more doors for us when he is ready to do this. God gave me 4 amazing and most beautiful boys and I am more than thankful for them. I feel it is my duty to teach them how a woman should be treated and that life has more in store for them than what they think it does. God will help us down the path we are meant to be on. I will admit I lost my faith for years and years but I have finally come to realize that I never lost it I just chose to deny it. Now I know that I put my faith and my life in his hands and I pray every single night that he brings peace and love to my household.

Hello Weekend...

Good Morning, It is Saturday which means yesterday Christopher left to go spend the weekend with his daddy. Also Yesterday I took and made 4 loaves of Zucchini bread as well as a birthday cake. Who's birthday you might ask, Well Thursday Sept 4th was my bestie Angie's birthday. So Yesterday I got to Celebrate with her and I made her a cake and we turned all the lights out when she got here and we sang happy birthday to her as soon as she walked into the door. I couldn't buy her anything so it was the next best thing for me to do for her. Today at 5:30 the kids have a fun thing with their church that they will be going to and the Adults will have some peace of mind lol. While the kids are gone I have a date with my boyfriend going for a walk Rain or Shine. Last night he came to spend time with me and my kids while waiting on Angie to get here to surprise her with her cake.

Its been a long week for us and I'm thankful that its over and that there's another school week coming up. Sunday Morning and Night the kids have Church as well and they love their churches. They attend 2 different ones a week and they love it so much. I'm proud of my boys and who they have became and where they are going in life. I found a Free Karate that I am trying to get Sami into and I know he is going to love it. Also I am trying to get ahold of the Asian Student Association of WCU to find him a Mentor that is also Chinese to teach him about his culture and the chinese way. I have Amazing friends and family that have been here to support me in the last year with everything.

When we find the way we will have a new addition to our family, You might ask what would that be? Well we are working on getting the boys their own bunny that they can name and help take care of. I am working on teaching them Responsibility and respect for others as well as animals. They are amazing boys but still need some help in some areas. Sami had his very first field trip yesterday and he went to the Mountain State Fair. When he came home he said he had such an amazing day and when I read his folder it said the same thing. He is doing so well so far this year but like they say this is only the Honeymoon period. Soon I want to get to the point where I can wean him off of his meds and find all Natural ways to help him with his Focus as well as his behavioral issues. Wish us luck on that area.

I hope you all have a wonderful day today as well as a wonderful night tonight.